Lessons With L
by A.D. Williams
Summary: Let's say for humors sake that L never left Wammy's House, instead staying to become a teacher. And let's also say that his star pupils are none other than Near and Mello...who fight and bicker like an old married couple. Is L really cut out for this job?


So, here's another DN drabble by me…I don't know why I keep doing them. A small idea will hit me and next thing I know, I'm writing a silly and weird story about it…anyways, I hope you enjoy this. Read it, like it, love it, and review it!

Disclaimer: I'm quite sure that it really goes without saying that I don't own any of the DN characters, but for the sake of wanting to keep this story posted on this site, I'll put it. I don't own any of them...even Matsuda, whom everyone seems to dislike (on the show). Come on Matsuda, I'll be your friend, let's go get some ice cream. And no, L, you can't come! I think you're allergic to sunlight or something anyways...

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Lessons With L

Mello sat in his chair, tilting it back and humming listlessly to himself as he pointedly ignored the lecture going on in the classroom. The teacher was reading something from a book in a monotonous voice that was three seconds away from putting him to sleep. Glancing over to his right, he noticed his rival, Near, making paper airplanes. Some of them were actually pretty cool, but he'd be damned if he ever admitted that to anyone.

"Alright, Mihael, please read paragraph three for me," The teacher said, interrupting his thoughts. Mello narrowed his eyes at the man.

"I thought you weren't supposed to call me by my real name! This orphanage made us create aliases for a reason you know!"

"It's not like you have a cool alias anyways," Near said in almost a whisper.

"You shut up and make your stupid airplanes!" Mello shouted. "And 'Near' is just as dumb!"

"Better than Mello," the other boy said, manually propelling the paper model through the air, becoming lost in his fantasy world.

The blonde growled and jumped from his seat, knocking the chair to the ground. He strode over to Near and grabbed him by the front of his over-sized dress shirt. "You wanna repeat that to my face?" he threatened.

The teacher rushed over and grabbed his arm, pulling him away. "That will be enough Mr. Keehl." He looked at his watch, then sighed. "It's almost the end of the hour anyways. Class dismissed."

The rest of the students hurried out so as to not have to cross Mello while he was in his bad mood. Near was the only one that took his time to gather his books, then slunk out of the room like a cat, just as quiet at his personality.

The teacher put a hand to his throbbing temple as he looked at the now empty room. Then his shoulders slumped and he shook his head. _Damnit Near! Must you always leave your airplanes all over the floor?! _

The next part of the day for the orphanage was lunch. Near situated himself at a table near the back of the cafeteria so as to not be bothered. He noted that Mello sat near the front, at a loud and boisterous table with a bunch of other teenage boys.

Mello…they were both exceptionally smart. All the kids at the orphanage were. But Near and Mello were actually privileged to undergo tutoring from the world's best detective himself, L.

Which was their next class. Secretly, it was his favorite part of the day. Hell, he didn't even mind that Mello was there…on most days.

The bell sounded, signaling the end of lunch. Mello sprang from his seat yet again to hurry and arrive at the classroom before Near. As he rushed down the hallway, he bumped into someone coming out of the teacher's lounge. It just so happened to be L.

"Are you in a hurry for some particular reason?" The man asked him, staring at him with those shadowed eyes.

"Gotta get there before Near!" Was all he said as he shot past him.

L sighed, then continued his slow slouch to his room. When he arrived, Mello was now blocking the doorway, staring at something.

Or rather someone. Near was sitting in his customary spot on the carpeted floor, a bucket of dice beside him.

"How the fuck did you get here before me?!" Mello shouted.

L winced at the language, but didn't say anything about it. He allowed free speech in his room since it was just the three of them. Squeezing himself past his student, he set his coffee mug down on the low table in the room and situated himself in a seat.

Their "classroom" wasn't really much of a classroom at all. Along one wall, there were a row of computers, but other than that, nothing else resembled a probable learning environment. This room, unlike all the others, had carpet (which Near was really thankful for, since that's where he spent all his time). There were couches and armchairs instead of desks and in the middle of the room was a coffee table. L didn't use a desk like the other teacher's since these lessons were more private. And the one thing that he loved the most about his room was the mini fridge in the corner that was always stocked with his…and now Mello's sweets.

Speaking of which, the blonde had already grabbed a few candy bars from it and was now lounging on a couch, awaiting their "lessons" of the day.

L sat down across from them in his hunched position, then spoke. "Today I thought I'd quiz you on interrogation tactics. I'll give you a hypothetical situation and I want each of you to write down the best methods that come to mind."

Near glanced up at him, then reached over to the coffee table and grabbed a sheet of paper and a pencil off of the corner of it. That's also as far as school supplies went for them. They didn't have text books, only L's conversations to go by.

Mello, chuckled and sat back on the couch. "I'm gonna ace this! I've always been better with interrogation tactics, Near!"

The white haired boy only blinked as he sat another dice on top of his structure. "You always say that, but L has told you that your methods are too over the top to be considered 'tactical.'"

Mello regarded him with narrowed eyes for a moment before huffing, "Pfft, whatever."

L looked at both of them. "Ready? Alright, here's the situation. A girl and her boyfriend haven't been getting along recently and it's no secret to anyone who knows them that their relationship is on the rocks. Soon it is rumored that he will be leaving the girl. One day, a friend of the girl's asks how things are turning out between the two, and the girl simply replies that 'he's gone now.' Two days later, his body is found in a ditch, twenty miles away from her home. Those who know the girl say that she's too kind-hearted and loving to have killed him. The police don't want to be so naïve as to rule out the possibility that she murdered him. They have no actual evidence pointing to her, but sometimes all you need is a gut feeling. But of course that's not going to hold up in court. What methods would you use to get the girl to confess to her committing the crime…if you believe she did it?"

Near cocked his head to the side in thought. "Are you asking if we believe she did the crime in general? Because if that were the case, I could simply say I don't believe she did and that'd be the end of it."

"Yes," L stated, taking a small bite off of a cheesecake he'd brought back to his seat. "You could say that…but why do you believe she's innocent?"

"There was no evidence pointing to her." Near said.

"Alright, let me rephrase that. This isn't a question as to if she did it or not. Let's just say that in the bottom of your heart, you believe she's guilty. There might not be any evidence but there's reason enough for her to do it. The boyfriend left her, or was threatening to leave her. She became upset and killed him. The reasoning is legitimate enough."

"But aren't you jumping to conclusions saying that she's the one who did it?" Near asked, twirling a strand of white hair in his pale fingers. "Even if this is all just hypothetical, what if I just 'hypothetically' believe she's innocent? Shouldn't both sides of the matter be examined?"

L started to give the boy one of his super rare smiles until Mello spoke up. "Man, I say ice the bitch! Bust a bullet in that ass!"

Both Near and L looked at him with wide eyes. "Mello…that's not very, er, tactical." L said.

"Screw tactical! That's your guys problem! You know she did the crime, she needs to do the time!"

"But you have no evidence pointing to her. That's what Near and I have been discussing. You can't convict someone of a crime with no evidence. Or rather, it would be very hard to without any evidence or any witnesses or confessions."

"Always the dumbass," Near muttered in a carrying voice.

"Hey Near, want me to shave that fluffy hair off? It'll be just like shearing a sheep!"

The boy's eyes grew wide and he protectively wrapped another strand of hair around his finger.

L gave a fake cough to get their attention again. "Look Mello, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I don't think you understand the question I presented. I asked what interrogation methods you would use to get her to confess to the murder."

Mello looked like he was actually thinking about it for a moment, then blurted out, "Oh, I know! Take a full water gun, tie her down, then drip water very slowly on her forehead! She'll eventually go crazy and admit anything we wanted her to! Or even better yet…leave a faucet on in the room to where all you hear is a steady drip…she'll eventually have to go to the bathroom and thus we deny her that request. She'll either admit to the crime or face the embarrassment of pissing herself!"

L had been looking hopeful to his student until he had started with his torture rant. "Mello, no, no, no, and hell no. Having an accident would be a small price to pay in order to not spend the rest of your life in prison. Near, what's your take on the situation?"

"I say that this question was really not so much about interrogation methods, but rather about gathering all the pieces to a puzzle to try to make ends meet. This case here lacked sufficient evidence as a whole. As long as an interrogation doesn't physically hurt the person, there's no end to how it can be performed. The easiest is to make the person trip-up in their own lies, but you could also make them go on a guilt-trip and confess as well. The possibilities are nearly endless."

Now L gave him his smile. And Mello… Mello was furious.

"Well, why the hell didn't you say that was the point from the beginning?! You kept going on and on about interrogation methods and yet all you wanted was for us to say that there are many methods that can be used? What total bullshit!"

He got up from his seat and stormed out the door, chewing furiously on his chocolate bar as he went.

L sighed and shook his head. Mello was smart, so very smart...L often felt like he was the only one who could see the full brilliance of the boy because everyone else wondered what the hell he saw in Mello to have taken him on as his personal pupil. Mello's biggest downfall though is also what could make him a great detective…his drive.

Yes, his interrogation methods were over the top, but if you had to be honest, it'd most likely work…unfortunately, that just wasn't the proper way things were conducted. L looked over to Near, who was putting the finishing touches on his dice castle.

"You're dismissed Near. Oh, and since you and Mello share a room, would you tell him that he failed today's lesson, that is, unless he wants to come in later to do some make-up work? I hate to have to do that to him, but I have to have all of my grades in the computer by tomorrow morning…and his performance today was less than satisfactory."

Near didn't seem to have heard him until he spoke very quietly. "Fine. But if I wake up tomorrow with no hair, you owe me a wig." Then he got up and padded out of the room…like L himself, he never wore shoes when inside a building.

L noted this himself and smirked. His weird ways were rubbing off on them…Mello with the chocolate, Near with his sitting position and constant need to fondle or hold something…well, he had been training them for the past five years. He looked over to the structure Near had been building. Each design was different from the one he'd made the day before. Getting a digital camera, L snapped a picture of it, then slowly started to take it apart and place them back in the container.

The day hadn't been so bad, all things considered. Hopefully tomorrow, Mello would learn to think reasonably and not just blurt out wild answers…yeah right, and maybe tomorrow, Near will finally act his age and stop playing with Transformers!

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Okay, so there goes my second DN drabble…one of these days, I'm going to do a full length story with the characters…once I watch the rest of the show! Alright, well, please his that little button below this. Trust me, if you don't, I'll have Matsuda come to your house and do the Caramelldansen dance. And if you don't know what that is, YouTube it. Now imagine Matsuda doing it and prepare to be annoyed beyond belief! ^_^


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